Another day off line

I really don't have much to add today from yesterday except I had a decent night's sleep for a change and plan to do some reflection today. I have a lot on my mind and not at the point of being cathartic and journaling it all down.

Kate and I will probable go for a long walk this morning with the dogs (Satan Spawn). Sometimes I want to punch them in their collective noses; they're so pushy.

Went for a drive yesterday to a yard sale over by Elkton and stopped at side of the road fruit stand. Picked up some corn, blueberries, and watermelon. I can eat fresh fruit if I was the hell out of it or cook it like  I intend to do in a few minutes making blueberry pancakes. Watermelon I have t wash the outside very well so there's no bad stuff on the rhine when I cut into it that will contaminate the fruit (white blood cell count concerns and all).

See you tomorrow,

Bill

I ain't picking up the phone

Good morning Chemo 13.

I feel lousy. I guess I was due for a down day and it’s occurred. Not only that, but I have to go to Rite Aide and get a drug called decadron that’ll make me wide-awake and cranky. That’s a combo people are just gonna love if they talk to me today.

I had chemo yesterday afternoon and I think it kicked me into my nadir. A cancer patient’s nadir is the time when the chemotherapy cumulative effects of killing rapidly dividing cells (good and bad) reaches its highest point and most of the blood count indicators bottom out. For the patient this can result in a day or two of enhanced side effects. Since I can’t find a single side effect worth having, this pretty much sucks.

The nadir for my type of chemo is typically sometime between 7-14 days during any block of chemo. Since this is my day 12 for this block (3 of 8 if you're counting -- I sure am) it’s just about on schedule. I should recover in the next 48 hours and be back in action just in time for another blood draw Monday.

Anyway, I am shutting down and sucking my thumb today. My anthem for this is the Bruno Mars hit “The Lazy Song.” If you haven’t heard it go to playlist.com and give it a listen (for free). The lyrics are below.

So have a good day, and if you call I’m not picking up the phone.

Love to all

Bill

The Lazy Song by Bruno Mars

Today I don't feel like doing anything

I just wanna lay in my bed

Don't feel like picking up my phone, so leave a message at the tone

'Cause today I swear I'm not doing anything

I'm gonna kick my feet up then stare at the fan

Turn the TV on, throw my hand in my pants

Nobody's gon' tell me I can't

I'll be lounging on the couch just chilling in my Snuggie

Click to MTV so they can teach me how to dougie

'Cause in my castle I'm the freaking man

Oh yes, I said it, I said it

I said it 'cause I can

Today I don't feel like doing anything

I just wanna lay in my bed

Don't feel like picking up my phone, so leave a message at the tone

'Cause today I swear I'm not doing anything

Nothing at all, nothing at all

Tomorrow I'll wake up, do some P90X

Find a really nice girl, have some really nice sex

And she's gonna scream out

This is great

(Oh my god, this is great)

Yeah, I might mess around

And get my college degree

I bet my old man will be so proud of me

But sorry pops, you'll just have to wait

Oh yes, I said it, I said it

I said it 'cause I can

Today I don't feel like doing anything

I just wanna lay in my bed

Don't feel like picking up my phone, so leave a message at the tone

'Cause today I swear I'm not doing anything

No, I ain't gonna comb my hair

'Cause I ain't going anywhere

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no

I'll just strut in my birthday suit

And let everything hang loose

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

Oh, today I don't feel like doing anything

I just wanna lay in my bed

Don't feel like picking up my phone, so leave a message at the tone

'Cause today I swear I'm not doing anything

Nothing at all

Nothing at all

Nothing at all

Exercise recovery

Exercise recovery

Friday, July 8, 2011

It of course goes without saying that I appreciate each of you. I just thought I’d throw that out there in case you have doubts.

My first two days of increased structured exercise turned out okay. Yesterday I went for a bike ride that lasted about 20 minutes and it kicked my ass. I’m not talking a little fatigue; I’m talking gut-busting, punch ya in the nose depletion. It was wonderful.  You know how when you first get off a bike after not riding for a while, you’re a little wobbly? When I got home from my Tour de Bill’s Neighborhood, I wobbled into the back yard, threw my brain bucket off (aka helmet), and set my big fat Irish ass under the huge shade trees praying for death to take me.  

Bathed in sweat and thinking, this is pretty stupid, I began some abdomen and leg stretches.  Though I initially felt as though I had eaten bad watermelon (those of you that’ve done it, know how miserable a bad melon make ya), I recovered fairly quickly.

Eventually my dog Pearl came out to investigate because having a 225-pound almost lifeless body sitting in her backyard is somewhat of a novelty for her. She came over sniffed me and flipped over on her back looking for a belly rub. I could’ve used one too. She got hers and I’m still waiting.

I eventually recovered, peeled myself off the backyard grass, and waddled into the house for a shower. After the shower I felt something I had not felt in some time – the beginning of a little muscle tone. Not much, but enough to let me know I’m on the right track.

I have to go to chemo today at the Graham Center. Nothing out of the ordinary; a little methtrexate, a little Rituxan, a little Demerol, and a little slurred speech for a couple of hours.

See you guys tomorrow.

Bill

exercise and golf

July 7, 2011

Good Morning all:

I do mean morning. It’s 0436 and I just can’t sleep. Oh well. Started working out yesterday and it went pretty well. I did three sets of light – incredibly light – bench presses, some dumbbell flies, and topped it off with some curls. For safety sake I made sure I worked out early to avoid the heat and made sure I had plenty of fluids.

Even so working out with chemo is tough. As I’ve said so often, my main side effect is an unrelenting upset stomach that gurgles and gurgles. It’s just so damn distracting.

Anyway, I received some notes from you guys warning me about heat and other exercise pitfalls. Thanks.

If you all remember lo these many weeks ago when this all began, I had to have a bowel resection to make the first tumor go away – and that’s how they found the cancer. MY main fear is to reinjure the initial operation that occurred more than twelve weeks ago. I really am a paranoiac about these things. I guess 12 weeks ago probably makes me okay, but I am always skeptical.

Today is day 10 and my numbers should continue to drop for the next few days. Monday 11 JUL 2011 is day 14 when I should begin rebounding and I’m thinking I’d like to try riding around in a golf cart for nine holes next week and see if I can play a couple of holes -- as part of my exercise regimen of course. I’d have to be careful about sun exposure and stuff, but I think I could do it.

I might take a few swings with a plastic golf ball in the backyard today. Or maybe some Wii Golf?

I guess that’s it for now. 

humility an exercise

Good morning all:

It’s 0415 and I am getting an early start. As a general rule I try to get up at 0600, but sometimes I get a little chemo-insomnia where I’m up and at ‘em this early. Yikes.

Yesterday was a humbling day and yet, a good place to start.

There is a great amount of research on the value of exercise while undergoing cancer treatment (actually any treatment for that matter). It is supposed to improve the spread of the drugs and oxygen distribution by almost 8X. I need me some of that.

Anyway, to the humbling part. I have one of those Wii machines and figured I’d start slow and try the Yoga games. Well apparently the chemo has left me initially a little shaky and by the time got done with the diagnostics it turns out my Wii age is – drum roll please – 64.  Had I any energy left, I would’ve dropped kicked the Wii box down the street – but hey in that world I am 64. I’m thinking about taking the Wii machine to the social security office to see if I can start drawing my check.  After that little bit of humiliation I had enough energy to plop in my recliner, open my mouth, and insert my thumb for about an hour.

The good place to start part. What better place to start again then at Wii age 64? Although it can get worse, I think if I include some light weightlifting and short bike rides in my schedule instead of Good Morning America, I might be a bit better off.

The one thing that worries/concerns me is the anemia I’ve been experiencing from the chemo. I’ve had two transfusions in the past three weeks due to low hemoglobin. Since hemoglobin carries oxygen throughout the body and exercise requires oxygen (especially how I do it) I’m a bit anxious about pushing myself to unconsciousness, but then again I’m 64 so who’ll notice?

Here’s the plan for the next little while.

·      I’m going to get my bike tires filled so I can tool around my neighborhood until I get used to my local hills. Once I get used to the hills I’m going to start relying on my bike for transportation around Newark. You kno, for those healthy trips to Jake’s for a shake or Perkins for SOS.

·      Start some light weightlifting with some benches, flies, dumbbell presses, tricep extensions, and curls. Once I do these things my physical fitness will improve. I am hoping that even if I still have some tussles with anemia my regime will be more of a problem for it, than it for me. Oh well … what doesn’t kill me, makes me stronger.

·      The first order of business today is to go out to the garage (where my weight bench is) and clear a path to it from the side door. Since last summer I have been storing cardboard recycling there and there is a only a little room left for humans in there. I may run over to the sporting goods store and pick up two 25-pound plates – that would make changing bench weights way more convenient.

 I guess that's it for now. 

Love to all,

Bill

5 July 2011

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Wassup homeses. Hey peeps!

As you can tell I didn’t post yesterday; I slept all day. I really needed it too. I’m feeling okay today maybe a little fatigue, but okay. I got out of the hospital late Sunday. I was hoping out get out by 10, but I was a couple of quarts low in hemoglobin so they had to juice me up and that took about four hours.

By the time all was said and done Sunday, it was closer to 1700 (5pm) when I got kicked loose.

I have to run by the pharmacy this morning at the hospital to get some injections; I give myself shots everyday to raise my white blood count. It’s all a fairly intricate chemistry dance.

I guess that ‘s it for now. I’m wiping the sleeper sand from eyes and getting ready to start the day.

Peace,

Bill 

Apologies to Kate

Apologies to Kate

In the previous post I mentioned slights real or imagined. I am apologizing to my lovely wife because I am a jerk.

Sometimes chemo can make you crazy; it obscures your judgment and can cause you to lash out the ones you love. That’s kind of what happened yesterday. I was in a bad mood from all the drugs and was looking for someone to verbally pummel and Kate was it.

It wasn’t fair to her and I was itching to fight with someone. I am truly and deeply sorry for being a meany.

She has already forgiven me, but a little public mea culpa seems appropriate.

Bill