Thursday, May 5, 2011

Important Oncology Questions


  • Well, I’m getting ready to go to the oncologist for the first time at 1000. I have some questions.

1.     Will the chemotherapy cause my hair to fall out? If so does that include those mysterious patches of hair that show up on my ears from time-to-time? It only seems fair that it should. What about the hairs in my nostrils; they can sometimes get Rapunzel long.
2    Can I do this on weekends? I’d really rather have my weeks to myself. I mean, since this is a stinky duty, can I make allowances for chilling out?
3.     Can this be done on the side of the bay with a fishing rod in my hand? If I just have to sit there and take poison, why do it in a hospital. Why in college I poisoned myself most weekends.
4.     Do I get to wear cool cancer survivor hats --  I bet the breast cancer ladies have a monopoly on hip cancer gear.
5.     Is there any chance I can lose more weight. I’ve already dropped 25 pounds and my goal for the summer was 35 pounds. Although I meant to diet instead of vomit, I must admit having it taken out of my willpower-less hands is somewhat convenient. This is the first time I’ve ever caught something that has a side effect I appreciate.
6.     Since Burkitt’s Lymphoma usually affects small African children, is there something my mother forgot to mention about my father … hmmmm.

Love to all

Bill

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