return and fear

Hey guys:

Not a whole lot to say today. I’m still slogging along. Feel okay. A little tired perhaps.

My return to work date is tentatively scheduled for on or about 13 January. That will finalize on the 23^rd of this month (the day before Thanksgiving), when I go to what I hope is my big final appointment when the doc tells me I am cancer free.

I’m kind of terrified about that – I keep that anxiety pretty close to my vest, but this blog thing is about revealing publicly what I hold privately. I know all the signs indicate I should be alright, but gosh darn it, Murphy is always in the wings (remember Murphy’s law). I don’t know what I would do if the scan came back abnormal. I truly don’t! 

There are far fewer options than you might think. You see some of the drugs in my type of chemo are so dangerous there is a limit to how much you can take in a lifetime. I wonder how close I am to the limits. So if this thing is still hanging around inside of me, the response options might be limited. I f I want any at all. 

I'll cross all those death and dying bridges when the time comes -- hopefully many years from now.

That’s it for now I guess. This life and death stuff can wear on you. With any luck Thanksgiving will be a time for a real celebration and it will all be a dead issue (bad pun, but I couldn’t resist).

Peace,

Bill